I’ve been with my boyfriend just over six months but in that time we’ve become very close. I hadn’t been in a relationship in a while and when I met him we just hit it off straight away.
There’s no games with him (ideal) and we’re both very vocal about what we want, so we’ve had open conversations about the future. It’s still at an early stage so maybe none of it will come to pass but it’s good to know we agree on the fundamentals and I just love spending time with him as well.
What’s bothering me is that he won’t talk about money. I’ve told him it’s annoying and I joke about it but he continues to shut down the conversation every time and even gets mad at me.
To me talking about money is a natural part of the other conversations we’ve been having – when and how we’d like to get married; kids; where we’d like to live.
I literally don’t know how much he earns, I don’t know how he sees dividing up spending with a partner long term. He’s well aware of my financial situation and plans because I openly talk about it, and I just think it makes sense that I know the same about him.
Am I being crazy? Please let me know your thoughts.
I’m so on your page. I always want to know what’s happening next and a few steps ahead, and I think it’s really good to have these conversations early. Everyone’s different but personally that's my approach, and it sounds like you're the same.
It’s brilliant to hear that you’re so happy in your new relationship. Ye sound like two peas in a pod and I hope you continue on this positive path.
I will say though that I think you need to take a step back and a deep breath. It has just been six months. You don’t need to have everything worked out now – actually it’s impossible to have it all fully sorted ahead of time, because it’s just not going to pan out exactly as you see it. That’s just life. Most people tend to be the opposite way – not having important conversations until it’s sometimes too late – so you’re doing very well. It’s time to chill now and enjoy this amazing stage of the relationship.
What I have also learned is that it’s important to respect other people’s points of view, even when they don’t make sense to you. This might seem obvious, but it’s harder for a lot of people in practice, including myself. To me and you it’s natural and easy to talk about money, but for your partner he’s not comfortable with it or it has different connotations for him. He may have issues with money; he may just think it’s tacky to discuss it or too early in the relationship. You shouldn’t try to influence him with this unless he solicits it. To a certain extent you just have to accept his position.
I am assuming that it’s not affecting your relationship at this point, and that you have a healthy and mutually satisfactory approach to dividing spending when it comes to your time together. If it’s not affecting you now then I wouldn’t stress. Whatever arrangement you have fallen into will probably reflect how you approach bigger ticket items – like splitting rent or a mortgage or paying for a wedding.
Focus on the positives – you’re mad about this guy and having a great time. Wipe this issue from your mind. Do your best to relax and enjoy the ride!
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